January 5-6th, 2009 : Aya Retreat Day #4 & 5

Had breakfast wit the skinny chap from the UK. The "Ralphing Ruskies" had left the shobo and gone on to Cuzco to do San Pedro. The UK's girlfriend had also left the shobo to have one night of civility in Iquitos before leaving for NYC. Breakfast with the kid from the UK was always entertaining. He had an easy smile and ready laugh. He joked that he would pay double to have the Ayahuasca experience I was getting. When he took the Aya, he felt the medicine trying to work its way through his muscles where it was blocked and it was painful and draining. That's the interesting thing about Aya. It affects everyone in a different way, and a person can react to on several levels. Physically, emotionally, visusally, audio, smell... I find that it Amplifies whatever is going on in your mind, body, spirit and physical surroundings.

After breakfast, I took a short walk and snapped a couple pics. Then it was back to my bungalow to update my journal and review my travel agenda. I was finally starting to get bored with the jungle. My Aya experience had been a mild one overall. I was glad. Some of the details of other peoples' encounter with the sacred brew were quite frightening. They likened it to an exorcism, or as if they thought they were really going to die. Maybe I was already "clean", no personal demons or fears to confront, and didn't need as much healing work like the others. Or maybe I'm just not very susceptible to hallucinogens.

Shaman Walter gave me another herbal leaf bath on the creek bank. Then another break before lunch. I couldn't wait to eat real food again. What I craved most was a big ass salad. Even I had considered leaving a day early to sleep in a hotelin Iquitos and get a real shower before starting the Patagonia portion of my South American Adventure. Five weeks is a long time to be away from home. I was still hoping for a chance to go to Antarctica too, but that was a coin toss.

I had an 8 hour layover in Lima. I would have a chance to recharge my electronics and catch up on email. The birds seemed more quiet today. My skin was so loving the jungle humidity. So far my experience with Aya had been pleasant and progressively more intense. I was looking forward to seeing what was going to happen that night.

January 6th, 2009: Aya Retreat Day #5 - Last night's Aya experience was a let down. No fractal patterns. No digital flame or rosebud. No images. I therw up and had a relaxed sensation for a little while, but that was it. Being at the Shobo for a week was like being in re-hab, except for the irony of taking Ayahuasca. There really was a whole lotta nothin going on except for feeding times and the mud or herb bath treatments. I was really looking forward to going to the city the next day and staying in a hotel with a real shower, gorge on some real food,  and embark on the next leg of my trip. I didn't necessarily miss life at home, but I was getting jungle fever--sitting around doing nothing all day does eventually get boring unless you have a lot more than Ayahuasca to keep you entertained.

I had started to read "A Million Little Pieces" to pass the time while at the shobo. Didn't even get through the first chapter. The book is lame and tedious as hell. I was still in the process of editing The Bender Files back at home. The trick to landing a publisher is you gotta have way to get on the inside track. If you have a way to get on the inside track and you're a half-decent writer - some good things could happen.

Tonight was going to be my last Aya ceremony and I was looking for a positive and lasting experience. I think whatever answers I was looking for were already inside me. What I was looking for, I knew the answer. Whatever purpose or destiny I was searching for, was decided by my intention. What had I learned so far from the Aya retreat? That I don't have to eat, or drink, or go out or have materialism to be entertained. That I could live like a monk or a nun with surprising ease. I didn't need the people or things or comforts of home. I can be alone in silence for hours without feeling bored or lonely. My body can go to sleep and wake up at anytime without effort. I don't think I've ever slept SO much! What a contrast compared to the first 10 days of my trip. Really hoped the Patagonia tour group are as cool as the people I had met on the Titicaca / Machu Picchu tour. Spent the rest of the day reading, writing, and zenning out until lunch time. Then it would be more of the same until the last Aya session that night.

January 4 2009 : Ayahuasca Retreat Day 3

There was not going to be any Aya ceremony tonight. After breakfast I had a "mud bath". Put my bathing suit on, and followed Clever as he led me to a different part of the compound where the Shaman was waiting for me in a clearing near a wider part of the creek where its course bent in a U shape. The mud paste was green like guacamole and I was covered in it from head to toe. Then I stood in the sun for about 20 mins and watched some small fish in the creek darting around while waiting for the mud to dry. When the mud had dried we made our way toward the bungalows and I rinsed off the mud in the creek where I had the herbal bath the previous day. Then showered. Chilled out in my bungalow until lunch time. A lot of quiet time spent in solitude during the Aya retreat. I think most people wouldn't enjoy it. They would get bored or lonely.

Months have passed since my visit to the Onanyab Shobo, but the positive experience has been everlasting.  From the moment I had inquired via email for more information about the retreat, to the night I had first arrievd in Iquitos, through the week-long retreat and finally on my leave, I felt safe and cared for every step of the way. I was welcomed with open arms and hearts. The retreat was a true departure from teh distractions, traps, and stress of the modern world. I often miss the peace, simplicity, and beauty of nature I had enjoyed during my stay. From my experience with Ayahuasca, I would say that the vine shows you "who you are" on a subconcious level. For me it was in subtle ways through images, emotions, sounds and smells. When you know yourself, you can identify your strengths and weaknesses. With this knowledge you can heal and grow. Now at home, from from the Amason, when I go to bed, sometimes I try to recapture the echo fo Shaman Don Walter's singing. Often, faint images/visions return to my mind's eye as I drift to sleep. It was a once in a lifetime experience that has stayed with me long after I had left.

It was a real low-key day. After lunch I spaced out, napped, read, wrote... That night Clever came by and brought me a cigar of "toe" to smoke before going to bed. I had asked the tall kid from the UK what it was like. He told me "toe" was like weed in a way, it just really mellowed you out. If I was any more mellow I'd be comatose. The toe cigar really didn't do much for me at all. It was going to be a long night since the whole place was dark by 8pm.

January 3rd, 2009. Ayahuasca Day 2

Day two at the Shobo. Surprising how fast time can fly doing nothing all day. My legs were still a bit sore from all the hiking to Machu Picchu. It actually felt good to gel and do nothing except watch the birds fly around all day. Breakfast was usually around 9am. Scrambled eggs, bread and fruit today. This morning the girlfriend of the tall skinny kid from the UK sat with us at the breakfast table. Adelaide was not getting along in the jungle at all. Too dirty, too many critters, unfamiliar sounds... to wild.

After breakfast I returned to my bungalow to write and relax. In the afternoon I was given an herbal leaf bath. Another cleansing ritual. The ancient tribes of the amazon have a very special relationship with the jungle. Every plant has a spirit and these spirits are used for medicinal and magical powers. Health, cleansing, good luck, energy, etc... I changed into my bathing suit and met the shaman at the bank the small creek that ran through the compound. The water in the creek moved very slowly. It was shallow, only a few feet deep at the most. And the water was brown - the color of tea - from all the dead leaves that fell into it and settled onto the creek bed.

The Shaman had prepared a tall white plastic bucket full of chopped up leaves in water. I imagine it had been "stewing" for about a day. While standing on the bank of the creek, the Shaman took a bowl, scooped some of the leafy water from the bucket, and poured it on me. Sorta like an Amazonian baptism. When the herbal bath was done, I was instructed to to air dry in the sun. I took a seat on a wooden bench near my bungalow and sat litening to the birds. When I felt it was time to rinse off, I went to my cabin. But my shower was out of water and I had to go to the UK couple's bungalow and use theirs.

I hadn't had a shower in clean freshwater in days. At the Shobo, the water in the shower, bathroom sink, and toilet all came from the rust-colored creek. Each bungalow had it's own water supply from the creek. A large plastic drum set on top a 10 ft plaform that was hooked up by pipes to a shower and a sink. To take a shwer, I would turn the knob and water would flow from the drum down a pipe and out the shower head. Same for the sink. As for the toilet... after I did my business, I filled a small bucket with water and poured it in the toilet bowl in order to "flush".

The color of Ayahuasca is like liquid rust. The concoction is probably made with the same water from the creek. It tastes like barf. Bitter, acidic and sour all at the same time. After the shower, more vegging out. Read my guide books on South America. Wrote in my journal. Napped. Talk about a Real vacation. A light lunch was served. Again, there would be no dinner on Ayahuasca nights. I swear, when I'm at home I'm eating like a king and drinking like a fish all the time. When i go on "vacation" I'm starving a sweating my ass off...lol...  After lunch it was back to my room to chill. I was living the life of a house cat.

That night I took a full cup of Ayahuasca. David and the Russians started puking about 15-20 mins into the ceremony. About the same time that they started throwing up was when I felt my hands go tingly numb and the geometric patterns started. Then the flaming rosebud came again. A series of sensual and erotic images came to me. Nothing hard core. Beautiful bodies massaging and caressing each other. No heads or faces. Legs, arms, torsos... all tangled together, gently undulating. And then I was interrupted with David's fits of puking  and the Russians getting up and down to puke in the bushes.

The urge to purge hit me too. I leaned  over the bucket and let go. At one point while pucking I was puking with my eyes shut, I saw the rose. Then I opened my eyes and the rose was still there.  At a later time during the ceremony I opened my eyes and saw a light beyond the trees in the distance. I tried to focus on it and figure out what it was. I told myself it must be the moon and closed my eyes. The next time I opened my eyes to look the light was gone.

Again, the Shaman started the ceremony with a song for the group, and then took his time to sing 3 or 4 songs for each person individually. David from the UK seemed to be really suffering on this night. His puking was constant and he was really heaving hard. I sent positivie energy his way. Not sure if I had anything to do with it, but he soon quieted down for about 15 mins. Toward the end of the ceremony I had feelings of rejoicing and thanksgiving. I also caught the aroma of flowers in the air. Clever told me that maybe there was a female spirit near me at some time.

Once the ceremony was over, I made a dash for my bungalow. I was a little scared to lead the way into the forest alone, but I was tired and didn't want to wait for the others. It was freaky going along the path by myself and my vision was still under the effects of Aya. The light from my head torch bounced off  the bushes, trees, plants and shadows in a weird way. On the way to the bungalows I had to cross two small wooden bridges seperated by a stretch of dirt path. When I had reached the place on the dirt path in between the bridges I felt a very strange energy vibration. Kind of like I had stepped into a bubble and the wall of the bubble trembled from my passing through its membrane. I sorta wanted to stay and experience the moment, see what was going to happen next - but I was more scared than curious and quickly crossed over the second bridge.

Back at my cabin all I wanted to do was go to sleep as soon as possible. While I was untying my tennis shoes my hands looked like they were working in fast forward motion. Like in a scary movie when someone is possessed by a spirit. I knew it was just my eyes playing tricks, but at the same time I was freaked out and just wanted to turn off my head torch so I wouldn't be able to see any more weirdness. I always thought that taking Aya would be a dream enhancer - like the way taking malaria pills gives people more vivid dreams. But I always slept soundly...except when the Russians, who were staying 2 doors down, were still ralphing in the middle of the night...the ralphing Ruskies... lol...

January 2nd, 2009: Ayahuasca Retreat Day 1

The next morning, my first day on the retreat, I woke up pretty early. It was the birds. Never before had I heard so many strange and different birds in my life. These were not squeaky little chirps like the birds I was familiar with from the civilized world. More like a litteral cacaphony of unrestrained bellows. They were flying everywhere too. And the loud,constant buzzing of flies going by my screen window reminded me of the gardner's lawnmowers at home. Clever was the name of my interpreter and he came to greet me and announce that breakfast was ready. I had  hard boiled eggs, fruit, rice, and french fries. The best was the lemon grass tea. I had never had it before and decided right then and there I would remember to make it at home too.

Also at the breakfast table were two KGB looking guys from Russia and a tall skinny black kid from the UK. We were all there for a different reason. The KGB guys were on a mystical search. The one who spoke English told me he was trying to get in touch with his psychic power. Kid from the UK had some chronic muscle problem and was using the retreat as an intense pysical therapy. Me - I was there mostly out of curiosity. As Ken Kesey put it, someone not willing to try anything , is not a real truth-seeker, but only a dilatante. After breakfast, I returned to my bungalow to zone out... or zen out you could say. I spent some time getting caught up on journaling my trip. Then just sat and listened to the birds and watched the bugs, birds and butterflies go by my window.

In the afternoon I had an interview with the Shaman. His name was Walter. With the help of my interpreter Clever, we were going to discuss my reason and intention for taking part in the Ayuahusaca ritual. Basically I told them I wanted to learn and grow in  another way besides working, reading and traveling as I had done so far. After the interview it was back to my cabin where I  vegged out, wrote a little more, and napped. No TV. No radio. I had my ipod with me, but I didn't want to use it. Besides, there was no way to charge it once the battery was out and I was saving it for the plane ride back to Lima. Lunch consisted of a very light and clear soup with only a few small pieces of vegetables. There would be no dinner. The thing is, Ayahuasca is a cleansing ritual for mind, body and spirit. The cleansing of the body can be quite violent for some people, and it is best to keep the stomach and intestines as empty as possible.

On the first night of the retreat I had a Sweat Ceremony and an Ayahuasca Ceremony. Recently in the news, a bunch of people were participating in a Sweat Lodge Ceremony in Arizona and apparently 3 in the group died. Oddly, the guy who owns the company that runs that retreat is a motivational speaker / life coach. He was in the movie "The Secret". James Ray. I actually spoke to him on the phone once. We were matched through a dating service. We never did go out. Back in the jungle, it was only going to be me and the Shaman in the sweat ceremony. That evening, Clever called me when it was time and he led me to a bonfire where the rocks for the sweat lodge were being heated up. I walked in circles as close to the bonfire as I could--clockwise and counter-clockwise so that my body would get used to the heat. Also to keep the mosquitos away from me.

The sweat lodge itself was a small domed structure, about the size of a 2 person camping tent. The frame of the structure was made of tree branches, and then overlapping carpeting was used to cover the branches. Basically it was a rudimentary suana tent. The rocks were in the fire for about an hour. When it was time for the sweat, I was told to enter the dome and sit on the sandy ground. Then the Shaman entered the dome and Clever used a shovel to transfer the rocks from the bonfire to inside the center of the dome. The opening to the dome was closed off with some heavy fabric so that it was pitch dark inside. In the dark, the Shaman burned some leaves on the hot rocks and then poured water on the rocks in order to make steam. Then he began to sing some ancient tribal song. Kinda sounded like a cross between a native indian and anasian ceremony song.

The Sweat lasted about 20 mins. When it was over, I returned to my bungalow to change, rest, and wait for the time for Ayahuasca. As I laid in my bed, I thought positive thoughts and focused on the intention of cleansing, healing, and clarity. At 9pm, Clever came to pick me up and lead me, along with the Russians to the large open air Ayahuasca Ceremony hut. The Shaman was already there sitting on a mat and smoking something called "toe". I think it's supposed to relax you (it's not a psychedelic). He was wearing a smock which had an intricate design all over the fabric. There was another guy from the UK named David. He was on a 3 month long retreat session and he was staying in a hut far from the main compound of the retreat. I believe his program involved near solitude and lots of fasting because he did not eat with us for any meals.

So - a total of 4 Aya participants. Besides the Shaman and Clever, "Tata", the father of the family who ran the retreat was also present. The Aya was kept in an old Johnny Walker bottle. Black label. The liqued was an opaque raisin color. It was up to each person to tell the Shaman how much Aya they wanted. Either a full cup or a half cup. The cup itself was a hollowed out wooden container. Kinda looked like a very small cocont shell. I had done as much research as I could to find out what to expect from other people's experiences. Some people had no reaction. Other's likened it to having an exorcism. I was the person with the smallest frame there. It was my first time, and I was afraid of having a bad reaction, so I took half a cup to start.

The Ceremony started at 9pm. No lights, no candles. Just sitting on a a pew-like bench with a thin pad for cushion and a barf bucket on the floor in front of me--for "the purge". We were spaced apart a few feet away from each other. As soon as we had all drank the Aya, the Shaman started singing. There was an opening song. Probably and invitation or invocation to call the good spirits to the ceremony. Then the Shaman went around to each of us and sang in front of us individually. We each got a different song based on what was discussed during our interview. About 15 minutes into the ceremony my eyes started to feel droopy and my vision got staticy, like pixelated. I closed my eyes and started seeing faint geometric fractal patterns. Then something that looked like a red digital flame appeared in my minds eye. Then the flame morphed into a rose bud. Then the digital rosebud bloomed into a rose, which glowed and spun in front of me - in the place which seemed to be in the location of my third eye.

My hands felt tingly and I felt a chill. Then a series of random images, like pages cut out of a magazine. There was no theme or storyline to the images. Eventually the "trip" began to fade and I went up to the Shaman and asked for another half cup. He seemed surprised. After I took the second half cup, I threw up within 5 mins. Guess my body didn't really want the second dose. If I would have been able to hold the second dose in longer, I might have had a stronger experience. 

I was expecting a little more. Maybe my latent fear held me back from a more pronounced experience. I was grateful not to have a bad experience. David from the UK was puking his guts out for 15 mins.  The KGB guys took turns getting up to go into the bushes. Not sure if they didn't want to puke infront of strangers or if they were losing control of their bowels. A typical Aya ceremony lasts about 2 hours. Toward the end of the ceremony I had a marked relaxed and blissful feeling, sort of like at the end of an ecstacy trip. Clever escorted me back to my bungalow to make sure I found my way alright and I slept dreamless for the remainder of the night.

January 1st, 2009: Getting to the Ayahuasca Retreat

My travel clock alarm and hotel wake up call happend within moments of each other. Though I only had a few hours of sleep, I wasn't very tired at all. If anything, I was excited and looking forward to the next segment of my trip. The taxi was waiting for me by the time I made it down to the lobby. The 15 minute ride was going to cost 7 soles - or approximately $3 USD. So cheap! I tipped the guy an even 10 soles. He seemed really happy. As soon as I exited the cab, some guy approached me and offered to help me with my bags. "No Gracias" is the standard response.

During most of my trip, alsmost everywhere I went, people spoke to me in Spanish. What was more odd was that I usually understood what they were saying. Guess living in So Cal, being so close to Mexico, you pick up more spanish than you realize. I took French in school - so that helped a little with reading signs and what not. But typically, I could figure out what people were saying based on the context of the situation.

I get inside the airport and wouldn't cha know it, my flight is delayed 2 hrs. I had a strong feeling that everyone and their mother partied too hard  and weren't sober or yet recovered from New Year's Eve festivities. Suck ass... I could have slept in! Fortunately, my connection in Lima wasn't until the afternoon. I slept for most of the morning in the Cuzco airport. The flight from Cuzco to Lima was quiet. I tried to sleep. And then I accidentally ate a ham sandwhich during the flight! I was SO pissed. I had been so careful for the last month, and then I go a blow it on the day I'm starting the retreat. I went to use the lav on the plane to see if I could make myself throw up - but no success.

Once in Lima, I had 4 hours to kill until my flight for Iquitos. About 2 hours into my wait, as I was checking email, I find out that my Lima to Iquitos flight has been cancelled! WTF?! Star Peru... those mother fcukers... I ended up having to buy myself a new one way ticket from Lan Peru. Then called the credit card company to dispute the Star Peru charge for services not rendered. I would have to deal with it later when I was home. I had to make an emergency call to Francesco in the UK to let him know of my flight changes so that he could contact the retreat people who were picking me up in Iquitos to notify them I was arriving late. I was so lucky he was in the office to pick up my call.

Now, what was supposed to be a 4 hr layover turned into a 7 hr layover. What a way to spend New Years Day... in an airport.So messed up. But these are the things that test a traveler's patience. I sat around the airport goofing with my treo and watched the departure monitor to show what gate I was supposed to go to. On hour before my flight was supposed to leave, the gate information still hadn't been posted. I went  to the ticket counter to ask about my flight and the person told me to go to gate #1. The gate was located downstairs. I didn't see any plane, but there were some people milling about. Eventually an announcement was made and I was asked to check my carry-on bag because it was "too big". I could have totally fit my shoulder bag in the overhead compartment, but whatever... Too annoyed to put up a fight, I handed my bag over.

Flight from Lima to Iquitos was quiet and I slept most of the way. A girl who was about 10 yo was in the seat next to me. I think she had a little girl crush on me, kept looking at me all the time. Once we landed in Iquitos, I looked for someone holding a placard with my name on it. No one. I went to the baggage carousel - thankfully my luggage was there. Big relief. I never check baggage anymore cuz I am paranoid it will not arrive when I land. Still didn't see anyone with my name on a sign. There was a small peruvian band playing music. I grabbed my bags and went outside. IQT airport reminded me a lot of LGB (longbeach) - only a little smaller.

The band had stopped playing. In the dark, I looked around the crowd . Still no one. I took out my travel dossier to look for names or numbers to contact in case no one came to pick me up. Then a young man approached me and asked if I was AE Trinh. I said, "Si". It was Heberto, his dad, and another old man who were going to give me a ride to the retreat at Onanyan Shabo. It was about 9:30pm when Heberto and I made contact. I wasn't sure if they were taking me to the city center to stay in a hostel or if we were going to the Shabo that night. In fact,  I didn't even know if I was going with the right people to the right place! Well, they did have my name, that was the only reassurance I had. So I got in the motocarro (moped driven carriage) and off we went.

The ride in the dark and the jungle air reminded me a bit of Costa Rica. The road was unpaved, more like packed sand and mud. Actually, when I spoke to Francesco in the UK, he told me that it had rained that day and there was concern that parts of the road were unpassable. We drove past neighborhoods with houses made of wood plank walls and straw thatched roofs. When we at the outskirts of town, there were no more street lights. Only the single lamp on the moped to light our way. Lots of stray dogs crossed our path. Some just laid in the dark in the middle of the road.

There were some really muddy parts of the road which narrowed to about 10 ft wide. We got stuck at times and I had to get out to help push. Well, at least it wasn't raining! Arrived at the Shobo at about 11:30pm. I was greeted by the wife and daughter of the family who built and ran the retreat. It was pitch black in my bungalow. No electricty. So many strange jungle noises. Birds, frogs, bugs, cicadas... My bed had a mosquito net and I pulled it down around the mattress of my bed. As I lay there falling asleep, sounds of wings flapping over my bungalow. Birds? Nope... bats! Welcome to the jungle.